i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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