I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
