I smell stomach acid.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
