i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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