i already hear my dad disowning me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize