hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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