i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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