Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
