a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
