well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
