drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
