Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dear god my vagina.
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