i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
