went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize