there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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