Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
