Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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