ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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