Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
