i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
