I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
