Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
