Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize