I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize