I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
