I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
smell my finger.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
