community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
