I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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