Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
