mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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