No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
