I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
organizing the empties. That sober.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize