Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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