Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
