Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
