is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize