it was like his penis was on wheels.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
