jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
God, I missed his penis.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
