So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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