there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize