you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When are your genitals available?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
