how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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