My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
