She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
