jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
