I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
