My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
