I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
