so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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