Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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