i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
