I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
