well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
