shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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