sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize