i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize