I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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