i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
