I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
