If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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