I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
