Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
