if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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