At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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