I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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